


Better Beloved

by orphan_account



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crowley Has Issues (Good Omens), Crowley Has PTSD (Good Omens), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, Gay, Gay Aziraphale (Good Omens), Gay Crowley (Good Omens), Hurt Crowley, Hurt/Comfort, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 20:23:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21214538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Crowley has ptsd from the bookshop fire, but luckily Aziraphale is there to comfort him. They take a bath and go out to a cafe before coming back to the bookshop (where they both live now) to cuddle.





	Better Beloved

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything since one of my works that I had been working on for months got yeeted but we're back at it again boyos!
> 
> Also sorry if anything sounds super wack I write this bs at three in the morning so yeah please tell me if anything sounds super weird.
> 
> Also ×2 I copy n pasted this from my Google docs so somethings look weird but I'm too lazy to fix it but I will if it looks too horrid.

The last thing he really remembered was falling asleep before everything was a blur, before he was back. Back to that dreadful day that he thought had past, to that day that seemed like a dream due to the horror it bestowed upon him. Maybe everything was a dream, all of the good parts, maybe just maybe aziraphale really hadn't come back and he had just dreamt of a life where everything was good again. There was a possibility that he had just awoke from a dream he had managed to lull himself into as the bookshop continued to burn around him, as he cried out for his friend, his lover, his angel. 

  
  


Crowley could barely stand to open his eyes in fear of what he might see, or more of what he might not see. He brought boney fingers up to his hairs and tugged on them roughly by the roots. He shamefully held in his cries to his angel, still too terrified to open his eyes. Though the burning sensation he felt on his arms suggested that his pleads were useless he still prayed. He prayed for the first time ever to somebody, possibly even to the almighty if she wanted to be of any help, but nothing stopped. The burning only got worse as he worked up the courage and finally opened his eyes.

  


No matter how hard he rubbed his eyes free of his tears everything around him stayed blurry, but he of course was still able to see what was happening and where he was. The flames of the shop burned his yellow eyes.

  


Everything seemed to go silent. What would have been screams were nothing but small gasps as smoke filled his lungs. He clutched his throat and his chest as he tried to do anything to make some sort of sound. He fell backwards and sobbed. His head hit the floor, hard. Crowley winced at the pain in his head that grew rapidly. 

  


It was all his fault. Everything was. Everything always was. He felt the guilt boil in his stomach and in his brain, he wanted nothing to do but to throw up, throw it all up, everything, every last thing in his body. He didn't deserve the time he had spent with Aziraphale. He felt numb. A sharp pin-prick sensation covered him. It started at his fingers and feet before spreading along his entire body, continuing to seep into his soul. His body convulsed as he coughed. 

  


Crowley clawed at his throat as he tried to breathe through the thick smoke, leaving large red marks. He brought his hands back up to his eyes, covering them once more. He banged his head back into to the flooring of the shop, hurting himself further, but that was okay, well it was to him at least. He deserved this didn't he? Of course he did. He deserves this. To be in pain. Physically and mentally.

  


The dream was oh so wonderful, he had moved into the bookshop, the two had confessed their love to each other and planned on moving to a small cottage sometime in the future. However none of that was real though, was it? Crowley had never told the angel how much he deeply cared for him and they certainly weren't living together. Now that he was gone he never could. Now he was dead and the last thing Crowley had ever said to him was little to nothing. 

  


Crowley writhed on the floor of the bookshop as he was finally able to breathe, just long enough to plead for aziraphale one last time. 

  


"fUCK AZIRAPHALE IM SORRY- I DIDN'T MEAN TO- i-,, I'm sorr y" he didn't know quite how to speak at that exact moment or what he had apologized for. Maybe it was for every time he had wronged the angel especially the very last time.

  


Crowley dug the palms of his hands into his tightly closed, tear stained eyes. He sobbed loudly as he was forcefully, yet still softly pulled into a hug.

  
  


Crowley's hands were gently pulled from his eyes and hair as he sat enveloped in a warm embrace. He continued to sob but opened his now fully yellow eyes and looked up at whomever was holding him. He sobbed louder at the sight of Aziraphales face. Crowley grabbed onto Aziraphales coat for dear life and buried his face into his chest, taking in the smell of his lover. 

  


Soothing circles were drawn by the angel into the demons back as he continued to shake.

  


"Shhh, dear, love, Crowley. It's alright, I'm here... I'm here." Aziraphale got dewey-eyed as he whispered reassuring things to Crowley, slowly rocking back and forth on what wasn't a floor but rather a bed, their bed. Aziraphale scooted them up to where he could lean against the headboard as Crowley cry into him.

  


Aziraphale ran thick fingers through the short, red hair, placing kisses just about everywhere he could reach.

  


"Look at me?" Aziraphale asked, "please?". Crowley hesitated before slowly looking up. He couldn't bare to make eye contact with the angel.

  


"Oh dear, look at you" the angel frowned as he push sweat slicked hair out of the demons face.

  


"im sorry-" Crowley choked out another sob, that guilt not leaving his stomach.

  


"No, nonono" Aziraphale reassured him "you don't have to be sorry for anything dear, come here" Crowley was pulled even closer. Aziraphale wiped away drying tears from his lovers face. A thumb slowly swept Crowley's bottom lip. Aziraphale brought him in for a short little kiss. "I love you, oh so very much" aziraphale swooned. "you know that right?" Crowley didn't answer. "Dear?" Aziraphale gently grabbed him by the chin and made him face more in his direction. "Could you look at me?, In the eyes?, Please?"

  


Crowley shamefully looked up into Aziraphales eyes before tears started to roll down his cheeks once more.

  


"Dearest" Aziraphale gently wiped away the tears from Crowley's red, puffy eyes. Crowley shoved his face back into Aziraphales chest and began to shake again. He still couldn't get over the fact that this was real. Aziraphale was here and he loved him. The bookshop was intact and they lived in it, together.

  


"Angel-" Crowley could barely manage to get out of his raw throat.

  


Aziraphale held him close, "yes my love?" He asked. Crowley let himself relax into the angels touch and smiled slightly at the name.

  


"I love you too" he whispered. He wanted to say more than just that because he felt as if aziraphale deserved so much more than just an 'I love you too' especially one that was whispered so quietly. He wanted to tell him how much he truly did love him and how he wanted nothing but to stay right here in his arms for the rest of eternity. What Crowley didn't know though was how much those words really meant to the angel, even if it was barely audible. 

  


• • •

  


They lay there for some time, long enough for the sun to finish coming up and for the morning birds to stop chirping. Long enough for Crowley to get some rest and calm down.

• • •

  


Aziraphale woke up with Crowley still slumped onto him, his breathing now quiet and steady. He smiled into a kiss that he placed upon the mess of red hairs. Aziraphale stayed with his face buried in the fiery locks breathing in the smell of Crowley. He smelled more like the bookshop and Aziraphale now that he'd been living there, but the scent of what seemed like matches was still faintly there. 

  


Crowley stirred awake. The demon lifted his head sleepily to look into the angels eyes. As soon as they met he let his mouth rise into a small, sloppy smile. Aziraphale could've cried at the sight before him, the messy haired demon smiling sweetly up at him.

  


Aziraphale leaned in and placed a small kiss on Crowley's nose. He tangled his fingers in the red strands once more, slowly massaging his scalp.

  


"How are you feeling dear?" Aziraphale asked, still keeping the demon close. Crowley only shrugged his shoulders. "Dear" Aziraphales smile turned to a small frown. 

  


" 'm head hurts" Crowley murmured, setting his head down on Aziraphale.

  


Aziraphales mouth rose up into a smile once again, "that's it. C'mon sit up" he said pushing lightly against Crowley's shoulders. Crowley obliged and sat up.

  


"I think I hit my head on the board back there" Crowley frowned, pointing to the headboard.

  


"It's alright dear" Aziraphale sat up and placed a small kiss atop the demons head. "Let's get you something to help with that" Aziraphale headed to the cabinet in the bathroom filled with an assortment of medicines. Ever since their trial their ability to miracle away their troubles has become rather difficult. They blamed the difficulty on their old sides and they were right, even though they themselves didn't have confirmation from either side.

  


Crowley rubbed the sleep and dried tears out of his eyes as Aziraphale walked back in pills and some water in hand.

  


"Here you are dear" he smiled down at the demon, handing him the two things. Crowley took them with still shaky hands. "How does a shower sound? Or maybe even a nice warm bath?" Aziraphale sat down next to Crowley, petting his hair. 

  


"Mmmno, I just wanna go back to bed angel" Crowley groaned, taking the pills then falling backwards onto the bed.

  


"but dearest you can't just sleep forever, that does nobody any good at all, especially not you." Aziraphale whined.

  


"I mean technically-" Crowley started before being cut off by a somewhat stern "Crowley". "Arrgh, fine" Crowley sat up again. Aziraphale smiled at him before taking his hand and leading him into the bathroom.

  


Aziraphale sat on the edge of the tub before turning it on, getting it to a temperature he knew Crowley liked. He stood up to help the still tired demon with his clothes.

  


As soon as the tub finished filling he helped Crowley get in. "Lie back now" Aziraphale gave the gentlest nudge to one of Crowley's shoulders, further motioning how he wanted him to lie down. "That's right" Aziraphale smiled with a small praise as Crowley did as he asked, running fingers through his dampening hair.

  


Aziraphale helped get Crowley's hair wet before starting to massage some shampoo into his red locks. Crowley let out a small relaxed groan as Aziraphales hands continued to run through his hair. The soothing feeling of Aziraphale rinsing the soap out of his hair almost put him to sleep. He was so out of it he didn't realize when Aziraphale tried to talk to him. He heard the angels voice but not what he was saying.

  


"Crowley?" Aziraphale asked again, sounding more concerned. "Hmm?" Crowley jolted out of his sleepy state. "Just making sure you're alright" Aziraphale let out a quiet chuckle, rubbing Crowley's cheek with his thumb.

  


After a bit of more soft, quiet washing Crowley was ready to get out.

  


"Let me go get you something to wear" Aziraphale rose up, handing Crowley a towel before heading back out to their bedroom. 

  


Crowley got out and let the tub drain, he sat on the edge of the tub drying small parts of himself, still too tired to care much. He took the clothes Aziraphale handed him as he walked back into the room. He mumbled a quiet "thanks" before slipping on the clothes. They weren't his normal jeans and leather jacket but more like sweatpants and a hoodie.

  


When ever he was done he stumbled out of the bathroom out to a small living space where Aziraphale now was. He sat down next to the angel and put his head on his shoulder as an arm was wrapped around his waist. Crowley smiled softly as small kisses were placed upon his head.

  


"Would you like to go out dear? Just to grab a bite to eat and get out of the house?" Aziraphale asked, nuzzling into Crowley's crimson hair. Crowley again just shrugged his shoulders. "Oh no not this again!" Aziraphale laughed causing Crowley to do the same. "Afterwards we could come back and cuddle." Crowley nodded his head at that.

  


Aziraphale got them both their socks and shoes. Crowley complained as Aziraphale helped him put on his socks. " 'm not a child angel!" Crowley growled even though he did like how sweet the angel was being. Aziraphale was always so good to him, he didn't deserve it, not one bit or at least that's what he thought.

  


Once they were both ready they headed downstairs and out the bookshop. They decided to walk down to a small cafe nearby. They were there fairly shortly.

  


A small bell was rung by the door as they walked in. Aziraphale motioned for Crowley to find a seat in the small cafe as he went to order their drinks, and some crêpes!

  


Crowley found a small booth in the corner of the cafe and took a seat. He pulled his hood over his head and set his head down, arms covering his face. 

  


The strong smell of coffee and quiet chattering of people in nearby seats was strangely relaxing to Crowley. He would have been able to fall asleep if it wasn't for Aziraphale sitting down next to him. Crowley lifted his head up and slowly grabbed the coffee from Aziraphale. "Would you like a crêpe dear?" Aziraphale offered.

  


"Not hungry" Crowley shook his head, sipping at his coffee. The coffee was just how he liked it, it was perfect, Aziraphale always knew what he wanted.

  


Crowley got through about half of his coffee before being distracted by Aziraphale eating. He loved watching the angel eat, the slow movements of his jaw was hypnotizing. Crowley lazily watched as Aziraphale ate his crêpe.

  


"Are you sure you don't want it?" Crowley snapped back to reality as Aziraphale motioned to the crêpe he had earlier bought for the demon. Crowley just nodded his head. "Are you feeling quite alright dear?" Aziraphale asked, setting down his tea to gently rub Crowley's back. Again all Crowley could do was nod his head.

  


"Y'know dear it seems your episodes have been slowing down" Aziraphale smiled. " Ever since you moved into the shop you've had far less, no longer calling me every night at two in the morning. Which was not a bother mind you!" He quickly added in, not wanting to make the demon feel like a burden. Crowley smiled at the kind words coming from his lover. Aziraphale gave a small kiss before sitting up.

  


Crowley continued to watch as Aziraphale started eating the other crêpe, not wanting it to go to waste, of course. He was so exhausted, anything and everything could lull him to sleep.

  


He didn't know when but at some point he had fallen asleep again, only to be woken by the angel. "Dearest, are you ready to leave?" Aziraphale leaned into to place small kisses upon him. Crowley drowsily sat up, blinking a few times to get his eyes adjusted to the light once more. 

  


"Sure" he yawned out. The two slid out of the booth and exited the cafe.

  


"That was lovely, wasn't it?" Aziraphale said more than asked, not really expecting an answer from the one who had slept through the majority of their time there. Of course Crowley only shrugged in reply, just wanting to go back to sleep. Honestly if he was given the chance to sleep on the sidewalk then and there he really would have.

  


He hadn't been able to get a decent night's sleep since the episodes started, but like Aziraphale had stated there was less of them since he had moved in. 

  


Due to the short length between the cafe and bookshop they were back home in no time. Crowley smiled as he walked in, remembering Aziraphale's promise to cuddle him as soon as they got back. Aziraphale seemed to also remember as he took the others hands and led him upstairs. 

  


Crowley sat down on the Chesterfield couch to take off his joggers and shoes. "Where would you like to lay at dear?" Aziraphale smiled at Crowley.

  


" Right here" Crowley chose the couch. Though he did love the silk sheets of their bed he wanted more of an excuse to be as close as possible to the angel, though he didn't need one.

  


" Would you like for me to read to you or?" Aziraphale asked laying down on the couch.

  


" Nah I'd rather we just lay here and rest" Crowley answered, laying down on top of the angel, chin resting on his chest. Aziraphale brought his hands up to play with Crowley's hair once more. He watched as Crowley slept for probably the billionth time that day, but this time it wouldn't be interrupted. Not by anyone making a sudden movement or noise, not by another episode. This time he'd fall asleep and stay asleep. 

  


They never really needed sleep but Crowley looked and felt like he did, even if he wasn't physically exhausted he sure was emotionally. Aziraphale wasn't really one for sleeping as he usually found it useless and a waste of time. Sometimes however he liked to snuggle up to Crowley and sleep for hours on end, this was one of those times.

  


Aziraphale pulled a small blanket off of the back of the couch and tried his best to cover the two before falling asleep, arms wrapped around Crowley.


End file.
